Dr. Gerbil: (*with a very dangerous tone of voice*) You will not change your mind, Most Honorable Leader?

Vermin: (*resolute*) No. This war is over.

Dr. Gerbil: (*drawing a gun*) Oh, no, Vermin. This war's just begun.

(*A long uncomfortable pause, and a concerned mumbling from among the roach crowd.  Vermin's resoluteness is definitely not-so-much.*)

(*And then, suddenly, out of the air ...*)

Voice: (*cooing*) Yeeeees, that's right, my darling mad rodent ... it's all just begun ...

(*A gasp comes up from the roach crowd.  Even Dr. Gerbil starts at the familiar sound ...*)

Voice: (*darkly, yet still cooing*) Now you just pull that trigger, and my revenge will be complete.

Random Roach:  It's the RL-CHATTY!!

My, my, you roaches have such a memory!  You still remember me, eh?  Do you remember the circumstances, or need I recapitulate the story?

Vermin: (*shaking*) Y-you're the one from the Spider Initiative ...

(*manically*) Ding ding ding!  Correct!  The one whose self-insert your father kidnapped and threatened with a blaster to the back of the head ... as you are being threatened now!  Such delicious irony!

Vermin:  O-oh ... d-dear.

(*cooing again*) You've done well, my dear rodent.  Very well.  You shall be rewarded heavily for this.

Dr. Gerbil:  Reward?!  What the heck are you talking about, you --

Why, you haven't told them yet?  Tsk tsk.  Such bad manners for such a skillful plant.

Vermin:  Plant..?!

Indeed.  Now that you've lost, I might as well tell you ... Dr. Gerbil is my plant.

Dr. Gerbil: WHAT?!

My plant, my spy, my beloved sabotage artist!

Dr. Gerbil: (*nervously*) That is NOT true!

I put him in a position to infiltrate the Roach Army with orders to build technology that would not work at crucial moments, sabotage existing weapons so that they would be useless in combat --

Dr. Gerbil:  She's LYING!  These are all LIES!

(*darkly*) -- and, of course, gain the Roach Leader's trust so that he would make that oh-so-crucial mistake that would cost him his worthless little insect life.

Dr. Gerbil:  It's not true!

Vermin: W-wha... I th-thought you w-were supposed to be all n-noble and --

(*cheerily*) Oh, yes, quite often I act that way.  But your father was quite aware of how cruel I can be at my dark times.  That's why he was so persistant at attacking the EGC.

Vermin: (*blink blink*) You mean he was ... right?

(*purrs*) I wouldn't say "right".  I'd say ... mildly justified in his intentions.

Vermin:  M-mildly justified..?

I took over his dimension, destroyed crops to start a world-wide famine, killed thousands of his relatives and friends via Eva A when they staged a peaceful demonstration, et cetera, et cetera. (*chuckles*) Roaches -- m'dear worthless scum! -- when he said that I'd deprived you of your pride, your dignity, and your freedom in the homeland, he was speaking rather literally.

Old Roach:  I remember that rally!!  You @#$%&!  Killing unarmed roaches with the ultimate humanoid weapon..!!

Vermin:  B-but ... wasn't there s-something with the insert and the sorceress Miyu..?  W-weren't you s-supposed to be the p-puppet of --

Ah, but that was my insert, dearest eater of waste products.  And while my insert may have been in the control of Miyu, I have always been quite in control of both.  I admit, though, it was quite interesting having dearest Miyu take the brunt of the blame ...

Vermin: (*wincing*) But you turned back from being a villain!  You gave up control of the land!  The war was only for needless vengeance!

Would that it were so, m'dear.  Once a villain, always a villain.  'Tis hard to give up the thrill of doing unforgivable things for the repetative boredom of random acts of kindness.  My insert gave up villainy, but I did not.

Vermin:  You mean ... that was all ... a charade..?

(*purring*) Oh, no, my dear Vermin.  It means I work for both sides.  No limits to my entertainment.  And speaking of my entertainment, it is time for you to die.  Gerbil, pull the trigger.

Dr. Gerbil: (*shaking like a leaf*) I ... a-am not ... a p-plan-nt ...

Take your time, doctor, I'm in no hurry.  Blasting his head off will be a slow, violently painful death anyway ... you know how long a roach can live without its head, don't you, Vermin?

Vermin:  T-ten days ... until d-death occurs ... from starvation.

Very good, Vermin.  You're as smart as your father was.  Smarter, even, in that you didn't trust my plant.  'Tis a shame, too, I would have liked to have seen you die from the same arrogance as he. (*suddenly serious*) Gerbil, pull that damn trigger, will you?

Dr. Gerbil:  I AM NOT A PLANT!

Just shut up and shoot the Dishonorable Leader, all right?!  If you shoot him, I'll blink you out of here!  The roaches won't have a chance to maul you!

(*This catches Dr. Gerbil's attention.*)

Dr. Gerbil:  You'll save me?

YES!!  Now SHOOT!

(*He nods, aims, and --*)

..........

... Vermin..?

Vermin: ..nh...zzz...

Yo, Most Honorable Leader, wake up. (*bap*)

Vermin:  Wh.. huh?  What happened?

I just kidnapped you, that's what.

Vermin:  What?!

You're welcome.

Vermin:  You kidnapped me?!

That's what I said, wasn't it?

Vermin: (*whimper*)

Geez, you're not just your father's boy, you're your mother's boy too, eh?

Vermin:  ...aren't you finished with me yet..?

Finished with the second son of my most worthy opponent?  Never.

Vermin: (*turning away*)  Then what do you plan to do with me?

Hide you away until there's enough of a calm that you can be safely brought to your brother.  Then the two of you can go back to the roaches and use your mutual birthright to put an end to this ridiculous nonsense.

Vermin: (*blink blink*) Huh..?

You want to put an end to the fighting.  The way to do that is to obtain peace with the humans.  Roach fights alongside the humans.  Without him, they won't trust you ... and without you, the roaches won't trust him.  I need both of your efforts in order to stop this war.

Vermin: But you just said --

A lot of that was pure BS, Vermin.

Vermin:  Bullpoop..?

Well, okay, your father's reasons for starting the war were unfortunately true ... but as Shinobi once told him, "now, now, if ya take over the EGC, then you are no better than a Villian."  There was no need to kill innocents in order to stop me ... having my insert fall in love and undergo a literal baptism by fire was quite enough.  He should have fought with words, not weapons.

Vermin:  Then you're not really a villain?

No, not really.  Mischievous at times, but not a villain.

Vermin: (*sidelong glance*)  Why should I believe you?

Well, for one thing, I just saved your life from Dr. Gerbil.

Vermin:  But isn't he your plant?

Ah, no.  He's just some mad scientist I hired once to dispose of my superfluous inserts.  I had five and it was getting difficult to keep track of them all. (*chuckle*)

Vermin:  Then you didn't sabotage the Roach offensive?

Heavens, no!  I had far too much respect for your father to do anything like that. (*reverently*) Out of all the villains I've faced, he's the one that held out the longest.  Not to mention it's not too often you encounter shrewd intelligence and initiative in the same character ... he was a good opponent.  Unforgiving and unrelentlessly cruel, but worthy of respect nevertheless.

Vermin:  ...you mean you liked him?  Your worst living enemy?

(*startled*) Well, err ... slightly fond of him, perhaps, he was a very interesting fellow to battle against.  Very good strategist ... if I weren't an RL, I would have lost many times.  I was ever so slightly annoyed at Sicchan for killing him.

Vermin: (*a little angry*) Just annoyed?

Just annoyed, because I was more pissed off at Gerbil for having sent him into a position of suicide.  He knew what Sikaryan was, that's why he initially didn't build an anti-RL to go against him!  And yet he had the gall to not only commit a sin of omission by not telling the Leader, but he committed murder by sabotaging Gregor twice!

Vermin:  ... twice?!

Once with the infection, the second time when he "fixed" it.  Even if Sikaryan hadn't shown his true colors, to put it mildly, Gregor would have blown up from a rather inconvienient internal fuel leakage.

Vermin: (*dawning comprehension*) Then he ...

Yup.  Dr. Gerbil arranged for your father to die.  And you're a smart fellow, I think you can figure out what he had in mind after that ...

(*Loooooong pause.*)

Vermin: (*darkened expression*) I see.

Oh, don't hate him.  Be angry, be outraged, but don't have anything to do with hatred.  If you swear to kill him no matter what it takes, you'll be too much like your father ... going after vengeance even after everyone else has forgotten the reason.  After a while, the only ones getting killed from that are the innocents.

Vermin:  No, I know.  But what am I supposed to do?

Weren't you listening earlier?  You are to meet your brother and the two of you are to end the war.  Leave the disposal of Dr. Gerbil to me, Vermin.  I have the power and the mindset for it.

Vermin:  I just hope he dies in great pain someday.

Ditto, except I hope sooner than someday.

Vermin:  You have an idea?

Had an idea filched from Shinobi, tailored to fit the occasion.  Cross your fingers and hope he's not that clever a fellow as to escape a raging mob of angry roaches.

Vermin: ..... well, if I had fingers to cross ... (*smirks*)

You know, sometimes you are far too much like your father.

Vermin:  Is that a problem?

Heck no.  Don't change.

Vermin:  I'll see what I can do about that.

Y'know, this looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Vermin:  Huh?

Sorry, I've always wanted to ref that.  Hehe ... anyways, let's see ... where did I blink you out to, anyway?

Vermin: (*points*) What's that?

Um ... I could be wrong, but it looks like a tennis court ...

Vermin:  And are those ... trees?

Why, you've never seen one?

Vermin: (*meekly*) No.

You mean you're an EGC native?

Vermin:  Well, I was BORN in the homeland, but ...

Ah, like my RL-brothers and New Jersey, then.  Well, where there's trees and tennis courts, there's Uptown EGC ... and will you look at that, it's a Giant Spider ...

Spider: (*squeaky voice*) Good evening, guvvnah, would you like a croissant?

Friendly, too.  No, but thanks for the offer, Mr. ... ah ... (*reading name tag*) ... "Gigantos 'Spider' Arachnid".

Spider: (*squeaky voice*) Thank you kindly, 'twaren't nothing. (*skips off*)

Vermin:  Weird.

Isn't it?  Well, we're definitely in Deep Uptown EGC, then.  'S a long way from the bar in Downtown, and that's not good.  You'll be going through a lot of dangerous areas alone ...

Vermin:  Uptown is dangerous?

Of course!  Suppose you got caught by Buffy the Insect Slayer..?  Or worse yet, suppose a mob of spiders decided you were kute, with a k?!

Vermin:  ... oh. Oh dear.

And a fat lot of good I am, I'm just a disembodied RL.  No insert to send with you ...

Vermin:  None?

Nope.  Can't access the living ones, the computer's only letting me in because I'm the only person arguing against his replacement, and he's rather fond of his position as it is.

Vermin:  Huh?

If he doesn't let me in, he's junk.

Vermin:  Ah.  What about a cameo?

Cameo?  I wonder ... (*mumbling*) ... I suppose I could ... yes, that should work ...

Vermin:  Any ideas?

Yes, one ... here goes nothing!

Suikoden Hero:  .....nh......hn..?

Vermin: (*blink blink*) What is that?

The Hero of my Suikoden save game.  You'll like him, he's exactly like me.

Vermin:  He is?

I'd feel guilty playing as if he wasn't, wouldn't I?

Vermin: (*skeptically*) He doesn't look anything like you ...

I know, he looks like Joseph with a staff and weird clothes, don't he?

Vermin:  What?

Odd joke, let it slide. (*to the Suikoden hero*) Young Master, time to wake up!

Young Master:  Lemme sleepgggh fifmor minuugggzzz, Gremio ... (*yawns and rolls over on his side*)

I ain't Gremio! (*prods*)  Up and at 'em, Israfel!  It's mid-evening already!

Israfel: ..hn? (*sits up*) Nggh mmrrmm? (*yawn*) What the hell..?

Hey, I prodded!  Will ya look at that, I'm disembodied and I can still prod with the best of them!

Israfel: (*blink blink*)

Help me, Obiwan Kenobi, you're our only hope!

Israfel:  Err ... I'm awake now, thank you ...

Ah, good, good.  Anyway, I needs to borrow you a little while.  Mind cameoing as this poor Most Honorable Leader's bodyguard?

Israfel:  Who?

The giant bug.

Israfel:  Oh.  Can I say no?

Technically yes, but this is a Communist Choice.

Israfel:  Oh.  Then I suppose it's a yes ...

Good. Stand still.

Israfel: Wha--

(*And suddenly he knew.  He hated that.  She could have just as easily have told him, she didn't suddenly have to drop chilly knowledge straight into his brain ...*)

(*Well, okay, she did.  After all, how's he supposed to find the bar otherwise..?*)

Israfel:  Ow ... thank you, now I know what a hangover feels like when I'm still underage ...

Whoops, too much information.  Ah well, looks like you're the temporary insert for now, Young Master!

Israfel: (*deadpan*) Oh, joy, the world rejoiceth.

World:  Yay.

Isn't he just like me?

Vermin: (*blink blink*) Yes, in an immensely frightening way.

Well then, I hope you succeed on your expedition ... and let's hope you arrive in Downtown in one piece.

Israfel:  Which one?

Preferably a vital one.  Good luck.
(*tinkle tinkle*)

Vermin:  She disappears with a tinkling sound?

Israfel:  My Lord, that is scary.

I'm still here.

Israfel:  Oh.

Just wanted to remind you that I'm always by your side, yadda yadda yadda, and don't use the Soul Eater Rune, m'kay?  'Cause the Soul Eater Rune is bad, m'kay, and you shouldn't unleash it 'cause that's bad, m'kay?

Israfel:  Can I threaten to use it?

Oh, sure thing.  Fun things to threaten with, them thingies capable of destroying worlds.  Mm yup.
(*BLOOP*)

Israfel:  "Bloop" ... now that's more like it ...

Vermin:  C'mon ... let's go, bodyguard!

Israfel:  Huh..?  What the heck was that?

Vermin:  Bad reffing runs in the family.

Israfel:  Ah.