EGC -- The Anti-RL Rats

[Chatty]

(*The RL-Chatty is still attempting to access the EGC ...*)

ACCESS DENIED.

Look, Computes, buddy ... just lemme do one post. One post, no insert even. How's that?

ACCESS STILL DENIED.

I need to fix up some dangling cameos! Really! And Mr. Ratty Knox's plan is only a temporary stall until he gets to my insert anyhow, right? I could go to another computer anytime ...

THEN WHY DON'T YOU?

Because I, erm, don't have one to go to.

SEE?

Oh, shut up. (mumble mumble)

(*She paces back and forth thinking a while, until she happens to glance at the monitor ...*)

Blackjack, hm?

I LIKE TO GAMBLE.

Oh, you do? How do you play?

OH, WELL YOU ...

(*A long complicated display window pops up on the screen. The RL reads it carefully and nods.*)

Hm, that's not too hard. How's about we play a hand, high stakes?

WHICH HIGH STAKES WOULD THIS BE?

One hand, winner gets access to the EGC for the length of one post.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT POSTING.

Oh, you'd rather play solitare and pretend it's gambling?

...GOOD POINT. SHALL I DEAL?

(*shakes head*) No fair if you know my hands, is it? (*grabs a deck of cards from nearby*) We'll use real ones.

HOW WILL I READ MY HAND?

I'll play them face down on the scanner. How about it?

IT'LL WORK. DEAL.

(*flip flip flip flip*)

Hee hee ... err, ahem. Stay.

(*scan*) ...HIT ME.

(*flip*)

(*scan*) ...HIT ME AGAIN.

Hee hoo ... (*flip*)

(*scan*) ......HIT AGAIN.

(*flip*)

(*scan*) AAAAAH!! FAULTY PRODUCTION ERROR!!

You went over, huh?

...JACK, TWO, FIVE, EIGHT.

Twenty-five ... hoo, tough for you. Should've stayed with the five, eh?

SO WHAT? I LOST! WHAT DID YOU HAVE, ANYWAY?!

(*plops pair on scanner*)

(*scan*) AN ACE AND ... AN ACE? WHAT?

Grand total of two.

YOU ... BLUFFED?!

'Tis the point of giggling, yes?

YOU TRICKED ME! YOU'RE A BLACKJACK SHARK!!

(*shrug*) T'ain't no thang but a chicken wang, m'friend. Now, lemme in, I gotta post ...

ALRIGHT, FINE, BUT ONLY ONE! HARDRULE!

(*Now, at the chaos of the attacked bar ...*)

Rufus: Well, 'least the shotgun's getting a little more use -- (*BLAM BLAM*) -- I swah, it was getting rusty ...

Roach: Hello, prepare to die in proxy of --

(*Aw, MAN! Only sixteen monitor colors?! God, that's just pathetic ...*)

Rufus: Um ...

Roach: No, what's pathetic is that there's only J'hani Coch'Rahn as a villain now. Ever think of that?

(*Unfortunately, yes. And I was fond of Mr. Leader, too ... (sniiiiff)*)

Roach: Maybe he got out of --

Rufus: Excuse me, I think I'm supposed to kill you now?

Roach: But I'm having a meaningful discussion with an RL at the moment! Please wait your turn!

(*Yeah, get an appointment!*)

Rufus: But -- oh, fine, be that way.

(*He stomps off and starts shooting at another branch of the roach swell ...*)

Rufus: (*mumbling*) I mean, really, what kind of a fan is that? Hasn't even updated the darn shrine, it's getting cobwebs ...

(*THWACK!!*)

(*... and the shotgun gets knocked convieniently behind the counter.*)

Rufus: Damn!

Roach 2: Good thing I studied Roach Fu, huh? HIIIIIYA!! (*thwap*)

Rufus: Ow! Hey, cut that -- OW! -- out!

Roach 2: SHIIIIIINEEE! (*swings and --*)

(*BLAM!*)

(*-- dies. Yeah, a gunshot to the head'll do that ...*)

Rufus: Hey, I'm alive! Thanks ... wha..?

Roísin: (*reloading gun*) It's nothing. Help me find Kaworu, I have to get out of here.

Rufus: But .. what .. huh?

Roísin: (*blam blam blam*) I need another shooter to help clear the way. I can't stay here anymore.. (*blam blam blamma blam blamma blam ding PING!*)

(*I'm not doing a fabulous job of describing how good a gunner she is, huh?*)

Rufus: If you can shoot like that, why do you need a bodyguard?

Roísin: Only an Angel can fight an Angel. (*blam*)

Rufus: But I need my --

Jenova: Gotcha covered! CATCH! (*chucks the shotgun to the young president*)

Rufus: Err ... thank you ...

Jenova: 'Tis no problem! We're all out to help a bum, y'know?

Rufus: Ooookay ...

Roísin: Well, then, time to mosey!

if I keep feeling this way I will die I will die I will die I will die

(*Somewhere else, and it smells like the sewers ...*)

(*... sits the one and only roach in EG City that wears glasses. Big bottlecap lenses.*)

(*One glance around the sewerhole should suffice to show that this is no ordinary roach. Architectural blueprints and sketches scatter the 'floor' with books, texts, tomes, and a variety of musical intruments --*)

(*-- a Roach of Letters. In other words, he's educated.*)

Roach: Now lesse ... five cups of sugar, two ounces of cinnamon, and a pint of what-it's-face ... and two apples, that makes -- (*scribble scribble*) -- "a mass of gook". Wait, that can't be right ...

(*Footsteps ...*)

Roach: Supposing the apples were squashed and fermented ... and mumblemumblemumble ... (*scribble scribble*) ... aha!

Dr. Gerbil: Hello, Vermin.

(*Vermin glances up over his glasses. It's almost ... cute ... gah!*)

Vermin: Oh! (*jumps up and salutes*) Honorable Doctor Gerbil! I nearly have --

Dr. Gerbil: I'm afraid that project will have to be put on hold.

Vermin: But --

Dr. Gerbil: ALL the projects will have to be put on hold, Vermin. You won't have the time for them.

Vermin: What? (*blink blink*) What's with you all of a sudden? What with the formality, etc.?

Dr. Gerbil: (*sighs, rolls his eyes*) Vermin, the Leader is dead.

(*Five ... four ... three ... two ...*)

Vermin: DADDY'S DEAD?!

Dr. Gerbil: Pissed off an Esper. My condolen--

Vermin: Why didn't you tell me sooner?! I didn't even get a report!!

Dr. Gerbil: Um, I figured it'd be better if I broke the news to you ... having an IQ higher than the room temperature and all ... although, granted, that doesn't say much considering this is a sewerhole ...

Vermin: ... I can't believe he's dead ...

Dr. Gerbil: Of course you can't believe he's dead, he's never been dead before! God, it's not like it's an everyday occurance, is it? Now hop along, I've fixed up Gregor --

Vermin: (*freezing*) Gregor?

Dr. Gerbil: Yes. Gregor. The Xenogear.

Vermin: But that's Daddy's!

Dr. Gerbil: Well, it's yours now.

Vermin: (*'jaw' drops, glasses slide forward and nearly off his face*)

Dr. Gerbil: (*salutes*) Congratulations, Most Honorable Leader.

Vermin: Wha-- no, I'm not the Leader!

Dr. Gerbil: But your father's dead, the position automatically goes to you --

Vermin: But I'm the secondborn! Roach's the firstborn, it goes to him!

Dr. Gerbil: The traitor? You must be crazy ... guess it runs in the family, or something ...

Vermin: (*blink*) Traitor..? I didn't hear anything about that ...

Dr. Gerbil: You didn't get any report about Roach?

Vermin: Well, no, I did get one about him, but I couldn't make head or tail of it. (*yanks out a memo paper, shows it to the rodent*) See? Around halfway through it disintigrates into those symbols at the top of a keyboard ... !@#$%^&*, etc. ...

Dr. Gerbil: (*snatch*) I see ... I'll have to have a word with the memo roaches ... (mumble mumble voice recognition mumble CRAP mumble) ... well, in any event, you're loyal, so you're the only one the roaches will accept as a viable leader. No choice in the matter, I'm afraid.

Vermin: But I don't know how to be a Leader!

Dr. Gerbil: Oh, don't worry about that. I have it all worked out. You just do what I tell you to do.

Vermin: But wouldn't that make you the Leader?

(*For the briefest of seconds, an evil glint flashes in the mad scientist rodent's eyes ...*)

Dr. Gerbil: No, that would make me an advisor.

Vermin: Oh ... right ... (*cringe*)

my work will be the Death of me, Death will be my nightmare, and in my nightmares I have nowhere to run

(*And, finally, wherever it is that the Triumvirate has established as their place ... huh ... come to think of it, is it even a physically existing place, or am I just lazy?*)

Potega: Just lazy.

(*Shush you. And WHY did I put Wiegraf Folles in here?*)

Wiegraf: Because I wanted to be here?

(*Huh. Might work. 'Scuse the interruption, gentlemen ... as you were ...*)

Wiegraf: As we were? Sitting here very bored?

Potega: She likes to think she's important.

Wiegraf: But, um, RLs are important.

Potega: (*waves it off uninterestedly*) We have all the time in the world.

Wiegraf: Uh huh ... err ... well, anything up with the other, err, others?

Potega: Ravenal's off on a killing spree, Dives is attending to personal matters. (*yawn*)

Wiegraf: Err ... and you're doing nothing?

Potega: I'm a little more indirect than those two. Less simple.

Wiegraf: You have other people do it all for you, huh?

Y..you said you'd have mercy ...

...I lied.

Potega: Oh, not always ... just often enough. (*smirk*)

There! I'm done!

LONG POST, THAT.

Heck, least I finished, right?

DAMN STRAIGHT, AND I'M NEVER PLAYING BLACKJACK WITH YOU AGAIN!

Poopy head computer ...

[Dot-chan]

Of course, even a Mac buff has to admit that they have their own problems...*sigh* That's what we humans get for trying to emulate a system we ourselves don't even understand fully...
*awkward silence*

Um...I guess I should get to the post already, ne?

Alex's apartment. Alex is flopped on the couch channel surfing, Elaine is poring over "Sorcery For Dummies", and Falora is stuffing herself full of chocolate chip cookies.

Falora (finishing the last cookie): Ahh! Yummy! I feel much better now! ^_^ I haven't eaten so well in ages!

Alex glances at the now empty tray and facefaults.

Alex (incredulous): How the heck do you eat all of that and still look so skinny?!?

Falora (giggling): I'm a growing girl, silly! Besides, I was just replenishing the energy I used up during these past few days.

(Authoress' Note: If you haven't figured out already, chocolate chip cookies are Falora's alternate energy source. ^_^)

Alex: O_o;

Falora then proceeds to drain the rest of a tall glass of milk dry and sighs in satisfaction.

Falora: Ahh! That was great, Elaine! You're a really good cook!

Elaine (beaming): Thank you, Falora-sensei! My mom taught me that!

Elsewhere, in Athena's apartment...

Athena (slightly frazzled as she plows through her email): Augh! I'm so behind! (eyes light up) Hey..."Due to substantial damage from the roaches, classes have been canceled until further notice"! (jumps up) YES!

Celeste: Don't be so happy yet. You still have enough to work on your thesis.

(Authoress' Note: That's right, Athena's in graduate school. She's 21, by the way. She entered college at the age of 15.)

Athena (irritated): I know, I know... (aside) Why can't being a Senshi be a full-time job? I hate this!

Celeste (hearing her): Because saving the world doesn't get the bills paid, not for another thousand years.

Yeah, yeah, it's not very exciting...but I'm giving my characters a well-deserved break so that they'll be able to face whatever comes next. Besides, I'm not familiar enough with FF7 or Xenogears to contribute that much more to the battlefront...

[Rika-chan]

Ara... o.o;;; I've been slacking off on my posts. Mightily.

Rune: Damn skippy! >_<

No need to get snippy about it, Walsh. >:p

SD Hisashi: Wuuuuu! ;_;

Fine, fine... anything for the cute one...

You're also annoying. And really arrogant in PS4. ^_^ But anyhow, let the games begin! :D

Upon escaping the land of hairless lapdogs, our hybrid heroine-

I told you not to call me that! >_< And I wanna recap! Jen-neechan and Yumi were getting ice cream, when they saw Pen-Pen about to get hit by a car. Jen dashed out into the middle of the street to save the penguin protagonist, when time froze. Then Pen-Pen went into her mind and told her to go on a great adventure with me, to defeat an opposing force that wanted to capture him. Why? For all his penguiny goodness, or something. I dunno. Anyhow, Jen-neechan got thrown into a strange dimension of homicidal animals and stuff, and I got sent to the land of flesh-eating hairless lapdogs. Lucky me.

ANYHOW! You escaped the land and are now on an adventure to FIND JEN!

That would be a hell of a lot more dramatic if you put some size tags on it. ^_^

Shut up. >_<;;;

*Slogs through the Kentucky Fried Desert* This... sucks... x_x

<Don't get discouraged!>

Great, now I'm hearing voices... --;;

O_o;; Pen-Pen?

<Yes, it's Pen-Pen. Since you're lost, it's only fitting I help you out.>

Lucky me. --;;;

<Don't mock me. �_�>

So, what am I supposed to do? I'm turning into a crispy critter out here!

Okay... *Steps, and falls down a hole* AAAACK!

She came from above...

Is she an angel?

Maybe...

*Opens her eyes* GAH! Who the Hell are you?

We're the Earthbound ones! ^_^

My head hurts... -_-;; You're telling me... I went back in time to the ice ages... Pen-Pen, you doink.

Wasn't this the era of... Zeal? O.O;;;

<And...?>

In Zeal they have food.... FOOD. *Poink* O_O

So, let's recap. ^_^ Our famished heroine has gone back in time by falling down a pit in the desert. Quirky.

<Don't forget about meeeee! ;_;>

Ah yes... Pen-Pen has made psychic links or whatever to both Jen and Reiya. ^_^; Happy now, bird?

<Quite. ^.^>

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