[Jelynne]

*Jelynne has now finally decided on a weapon: her trusted wizard's staff*

*finally looking up* Okay, I'm ready now... hey! where'd the roaches go?

Verity: They dropped into a plot hole.

But I didn't summon any...

Rebopp: Hello.  I'm here to kill you now.

Why would you want to do that?

Rebopp: I was created specifically to kill you.  So why doncha just give up now, and I won't make your death too painful.

*Jelynne thinks about it for a minute*

Verity: I could really get to hate you, rat.

Rebopp: I am just so hurt by your rejection.

Excuse me? I've made up my mind about what to do.

Rebopp: Gonna give up quietly, huh?

Not exactly.

Rebopp: Then what are you gonna do?

This.  *takes a deep breath, tightens her grip on her staff and...*

Yieee! Assassin!! *WHAK!!*

Sports Announcer From Out of Nowhere: And it's a beautiful line drive, way, way out down the street...

Verity: Oh, be quiet.  *hits the announcer with the flat of her sword.  BZAP! No more announcer* Boy, are these guys flimsy.

*in the meantime, Jelynne has run away, vanishing into one of her own plotholes*

Rebopp: *peeling himself from the skidmarks he left on the street* Hey! You're supposed to give up and die nobly! Come back here and surrender! *runs into another plothole*

*Verity is left alone in the street

Verity: Umn...

*suddenly, a plothole opens up beneath her feet*

Verity: Aiee! *drops into the plothole, which closes up behind her*

*moments later, the group of roaches from before drop out of another plothole onto the street*

Roach: Well, that was surreal... where'd they go?

To be continued...

[Jen-chan aka so many aka's that you'd have to write down an entire page of akas.]

(* Now.. for the biggest and most ultimate fight coming to history..*)


(*Uhh.. in other words, it's really kool.*)


JEN VS. YEN


RAT VS. VERY DISGRUNTLED GIRL


or......


LAWYER VS. HUMAN


Geez.. was that text big and exclaiming enough for you? ^_^;;;


(* It was a very normal day for Jen-chan. Almost the last day of school. She felt slightly disgruntled and annoyed, and expected nobody to get into her way. The day was so perfect that she expected no GAVEL SWINGING MUTANT LAWYER TALKING rat to invade her privacy.*)


(* She really hated lawyers. She especially hated female lawyers. Perferably the annoying type. In fact, she has had so many past run-ins with lawyers that you would feel slightly bad for her. Although it wouldn't be the perfect type for lawyer's to walk into Jen's path. Uhh.. let me correct that... NOBODY to walk into her path. ^^;;*)


Yumi: Hey, Jen, what's new? ^_^

*Jen replies with only some stiff grumbling and grunting*...

Yumi: Uhh... that's good. ^^;;

..... I need ice cream. ><

Yumi: Most of the stores are sold out.. unless you chase that ice cream truck and hijack it. ^-^;

Good idea, Yumi! Remind me to give you a raise! ^o^ *runs after the ice cream truck, and jumps onto the back of it*

Yumi: I WAS JUST KIDDING! WAIT A SECON----

(* Soon, Jen is in the back of the ice cream truck, the driver unaware of the girl in the back near all the cyclone-pops (tm) and fudge-nutty bars.*)

Driver: *breaking into song* Ohhh.. I wish I was an Oscar Meyer-- *looks in the rearview mirror*

*waves innocently Hi. Mind if I have a snack? ^_^;;;

(*SCREEEEEEEEEEEECH*)

Driver: What the hell are you doing in my car?! I'm just a freaking ice cream man! I sell ice cream to hungry and sweaty little kids! I didn't do anything!

I'm really sorry sir. I was just having a bad day, and I wanted some ice cream. ^_^;;

Driver: That dosen't mean you jump in back of a moving vehicle! Gol' darn kids these days...with their baggy pants and their trash talk.. If I lipped to my mother like that I would get a spakin' allright..

*blink blink* Are we going to hit that tree?

Driver: Tree? What tre------

(*Suddenly, Jen jumps foward, throwing the driver out the open door, and gets control of the steering wheel*)

WHAT DO I DO!?!

(*Suddenly, Jen spies a cute little rat scurrying across the road, batting it's eyes so cutely that it was the absolute meaning of kawaiiness. Jen, of coyrse, having a heart, hits the brakes as the wheel appears inches away from the terrified little rat*)

Awwwwww.. poor little rat... *eyes gush, as she walks out of the car that is now rammed into a tree and burning and catching stuff on fire.*

Rat: That's driving without a license! Mwehehehe!

(* Jen, then, in terrified realization, notices what will happen next..*)

Rat: They call me Yen. I've heard your pretty...er... destructive. Well, I can solve that problem.

*blink blink*

Rat: Expect more than your regular fining and sueing, believe me... *evil laughter*

What WILL happen next to our ill and awed heroine? Expect the biggest battle of lawyer history coming up, same channel, same time!

[Chatty]

And now, for nothing worth nothing ...

Self-insert vs. Last Minute Replacement Assassin

Flying Cat vs. Ratboy

It's ...

ATTACK OF THE KILLER HEADLINE!!

Err ... I mean ...

CHATTY VS. KRYCEK
Double Round!

(*Meanwhile, in EGCity, a rather annoyed Assassin is chasing Chatty de Italics-Comments ...*)

Mwa ha ha ... yoooooou caaaaaan't geeeeeet meeeeee!!

Krycek:  Shut up and stand still.

Don't mind if I do.  (*stops running*)

Krycek:  What the heck..?

Go ahead.  Eat my salami.

Krycek:  You are very weird, you know that?

And a bad guy from the X-Files is telling me this?

Krycek:  Point taken and withdrawn.  Bang.

My, you are a lousy shot.

Krycek:  That was point blank range!  You're supposed to be dead!

Well, I'm still standing here talking to you, aren't I?

Krycek:  Fine then.  Bang.

Missed again.  No firearms training, huh?

Krycek:  Wh--? (*blink*) Oh, wait ... I get it.  You're using your RL-powers to cheat, right?

Took you long enough to figure that out ...

Krycek:  Well, two can play at that game.  (*yanks out a copy of "RL-ing for Dummies" and begins to peruse*)

Uh ... what?

Krycek:  I'm a temporary Anti-insert.  I have to oppose the self-insert, ergo, I have the same spatial influence as a self-insert.

No, I knew that.  But ... "RL-ing for Dummies"?   Really, now ...

Krycek:  Shush up.  Lesse ... (*flips a few pages*) Aha!  Now I have -- huh? (*glances around*)  Now where..?

(*Heh heh heh ... he'll never find me here ...*)

Krycek:  Oh, there you are, in the brackets.

(*Doh!*)

Krycek:  You do know that once you're in those things, you can't get back out, right?

(*Oh, shi--*)

Krycek: AHEM.

(*-matta ...*)

Krycek:  That still counts as swearing, you know.

(*Bite me hard, Ratboy.*)

Krycek:  I'll ignore that.  And since Gerbil froze the second-to-last RL-Chatty-Rep in time, it's onward to killing the Self-Insert!  Joy!

(*Meanwhile, back at the ranch ...*)

(*Err, make that the middle of the street in front of the Café-Mieke ...*)

Over the last 1,000 years, adventurers mapped the visible universe.  And now they just fight for survival against kute arachnids/demonic hosts/anthropomorphic insects ... ain't it grand?

Hanpan:  You forgot Anti-RL Assassins.

I did?

Hanpan:  Indeed, particularly the one coming this way. (*points*)

Wha--

Krycek:  Bang.

AAAH!  Watch where you point that thing!

Hanpan: (*Hindu accent*) Too closs, a little too closs.

Huh?  One of those refs from you?

Hanpan:  For the life of me, I cannot say why.  It's probably Gerbil ... you sent by Gerbil?

Krycek:  A-yup.

Hanpan:  'S Gerbil, then.

And this is a subspace hole!  So long, Ratboy!

Hanpan:  Hey!  I didn't say anything to you, ignoramus!

(*meekly*) I meant the assassin.

Hanpan:  Oh.

Krycek:  AHEM.

Oh, right, now I flee! (*jumps through subspace hole .....*)

(*...... and attempts to disembark in front of the EGC Bar, only to be yanked back in through the hole by a prosthetic arm.*)

What the heck?

Krycek:  'S a good thing I studied that chapter, eh? (*Both holes seals.*)

Um ... not necessarily, no.

Krycek:  Well, of course it's bad for you. I being here to kill you and all ...

Well, that, and the probability is likely that we're both now ...

(*Looooooost iiiiiiiiiiiiin Subspaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!!*)

Thankee, Italics, 's much appreciated.

(*'S no problem.*)

(*Elsewhere, in Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuubspace ...*)

(*... where the mumbles and echos of memory still reverberate ... rather like the falling tree in the forest, except that here, someone is listening ...*)

(*faintly*) Friends, Cameos, Regs, lend me your ears! A threat we had thought long vanished has reappeared, a foe we fought long and hard to defeat has resurfaced. Evil has returned to our lands, this time en masse, and this time it has absconded with our friends... this, my people, we must not allow... we must band together, we free Regs and Cameos we must form the Free Genesis Insurrection, and we must strike like lightning, in a concentraited attack, to free each and every captured cameo at once, and not give them time to make good on their threats of violence twards our captive friends... then we must band together and take the roach menace down, once and for all. Together we can form an army, and together we can take this threat down... Join me, my friends, and we will set what has been made wrong to rights, PERMANENTLY...

(*And another echo ...*)

(*And more ...*)

(*faintly*) 'Allo Mr. Chatty ... you listening out there? I do know you're out there ...

(*faintly*) You again?!

(*faintly*) Ah, yes ... you do remember me, don't you?

(*faintly*) As if I wouldn't remember having my own EVA hijacked with me inside it.

(*faintly*) Ah, well ... the ends justify the means, right?

(*The watcher chuckles softly.*)

(*yet another echo*) I agree totally. It is obvious to me sat se events we encounter must take place in some sort of a electronic network covering se whole planet, and all of us are merely the fantasies of over-inventive minds.

(*To this, she nods enthusiastically.*)

(*And then ... suddenly ...*)

(*faintly*) What the heck?

(*faintly*) 'S a good thing I studied that chapter, eh?

(*... the watcher finds reason to depart.*)

(*And back to our show!*)

Krycek:  You aren't a poet, are you?

(*No, I'm not.  And don't talk to me, talk to --*)

ME!

Krycek:  Oh, right, you.  Well, prepare to die, blah blah blah ...

Hey!  I'm not dying without a fight!

Krycek:  Yes, but you're a flying cat.

So wh... oh.  Yeah. ^^;;

Krycek:  Well, for the sake of dramatic convention, I oughta take my time.   Last wish?

No last wishes, 'cause I'm not going to die.

Krycek:  You have a foolproof escape plan?

Nope.

Krycek:  You have a lot of faith in your RL..?

Nope.

Krycek:  You've been eating limburger...?

No, I just believe in the last minute save.  And, uh, reincarnation.  It hasn't been good to me but, heck, it seems to like me, so I'm all set and such ...

Krycek:  Good, because you're about to go through it again.  Ready, set, ba--

Voice: (*echo*) Well spank my ass and call me Charlie!  What have we here..?

Krycek:  That's your last minute save, isn't it?

Sounds like it.

Krycek:  Oh he--

(*[Un?]fortunately, the sentence is cut off by the Assassin being hit a wall of vaguely familiar emerald fire.  The inferno engulfs him, and Kentucky Fried Krycek is the picturesque result ...*)

Eeeeew ...

Woman:  Ah, darnit ... garbage disposal!

(*The K.F.K. falls into a dumpser through a subspace hole, which quickly closes again.*)

Woman:  There! (*brushes off hands a la the cliché*)  So ... Chatty!  Long time no see, kid!

Huh?

Woman:  Yeah, long time no ... whoops, waitamin, different Chatty.  Silly me. (*chuckles*)

What? Who are you, anyway?

Woman: (*yanking ahold of Chats's paw and shaking it vigorously*) Ah, nice to meetcha, I'm God!  But you can call me Lost!

Wha-wha -- Lost..?  What the ...

Lost: It's my attribute, y'see.  Gotta humor the RLs, they're such silly things, y'know?

A..attribute..?

Lost:  Yes, my attri-- (*blink*) Oh, wait, I forgot my font color!  Silly me, my brain's all hubris today ... (*poke poke prod prod*) There.

Oh ... m..my ...  G..g...

Lost: Now, as I was saying --

(*The Delayed Reaction finally kicks in.*)

OHMYGOD!!

Lost:  Yes!  No need to be so formal!

NO! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!!

Lost:  Ah, who needed that Nietsche guy anyway ...

AAAAAAHHH!!!  (*faints*)

Lost: (*blink blink*) Allo?  That was swift ... ah well, I needed a familiar anywho.  What's a mage without an animal familiar, I dunno ... probably a loner, but there's room for editing that ...

(*And so, Lost picks up Chatty the Lunar Dragon/Flying Cat, and this is ... end of Part One?  Huh?  Who the @#$% wrote this script?!*)

(*Oh, wait.  'Twas me.  Eh heh ... heh ...*)

Wow.  I am seriously loving this.  Everybody's posts are really good!  Really, I'm wondering how such a silly idear o' mine could've had such a magically revitalizing effect!  Heh ... in any event, I think the Rats are quite past and beyond mere "being memorable" now.  May, Lava, Raba, Yen, Rebopp, & Guu ... and only Guu-chan down so far ... (*smirk*)

And no, that's not God.  It's a last minute character upchuck.  She never existed until this afternoon, I swaer!

Back.