(*Finally, something happens.*)

{.........}

(*Hey, I never said it was interesting.  Well, not yet.*)

{.... zzzzzz ....}

{Wake up.}

{... zzzzzzznh ...?}

(*BRRRRZZZZAP!*)

{aaaAAAGH!!  Ite-e!  What the hell'd you do that for?!}

{You missed it.}

{Missed what?}

{The Fifth Impact.}

{WHAT?  I missed the Fifth Impact?!  Aw ma~~~n ... and I put so much _time_ into that!}

{You did?  I seem to remember you just bumming around and complaining about not having time to watch Slayers ...}

{Shaddap.}

{Yes ma'am.  Sorry.}

{Err ... I was kidding, sister-of-a-sort.}

{You were?}

{Yes!}

{Oh.  Sorry.}

{Stop apologizing!!}

{Okay, sorry.}

(*BRRRZZZAPP!!*)

{Ow!  Okay, okay, GOMEN NASAI GOZAIMASU!!  Just don't shoot!}

{(*sigh*) You really _are_ a pushover!}

{Uh ... sorry?}

{I can't believe you're the most powerful of us.}

{The two of us now, mind you.}

{Yeah.}

{.........}

{.........}

{.........}

{.........}

{.........}

{.........}

{Okay, I'm bored now.  What's to do?}

{Nothing.  We wait.}

{Can't we 'awaken' the Eva?}

{NO.}

{Aw ... you're no fun.}

{Berserking the Eva in a time of need is one thing.  That's helpful, often life-saving.  That's what I'm waiting for -- an opportunity to make up for what I have helped destroy.}

{But smashing things is fun!   Hehe!}

{What if you killed an innocent child on your 'joy ride'?}

{....... oh.}

{Well, thank God you didn't say, "So what?" ...}

{Do I have to?  I'm not used to this 'God' concept.}

{(*sigh*)}

(*Meanwhile ... back at the bar ... Jenova is chewing somebody out.*)

Jenova:  PURPLE?!

(*Guess who.*)

Jenova:  Purple SKIN?!  What, do I look like a grape to you?!  My _hair_ is purple and my skin is skin color, just like the rest of yous guys!!  Why in the name of the Unnameable would it be anything else?!

Tifa: Uh ... excuse us. (*pulls Jenova aside*)

Aerith: (*whispering*) Sorry about that ... amnesia, human form, PMS, and all that bidness.  Plus the fact that she's been a little touchy since this Jack guy left ...

Tifa: (*to Jenova*) You okay?

Jenova: Am I okay?!   AM I OKAY?!  Why no, I'm pissed off!  And I'm so angry, I'm ... I'll ...

(*Everybody who knows what Jenova really is sweatdrops.*)

Jenova: ... I'll eat all the leftover Halloween candy and just sorta sit here pitying myself. (*sob*)

(*Collective sigh of relief.*)

Jenova: (*flops down into the nearest chair and bawls*)

Tifa: Oh, Jenova-san ...

(*Meanwhile, at another end of the bar, a back-to-unwingéd-form Kii and Asuka are having a heart-to-heart interrogation ...*)

Asuka:  You never told me you were an Angel!

Kii:  I didn't tell you because I didn't know.

Asuka:  Anta baka?  How could you _not_ know?

Kii:  (*shrug*)

Asuka:  Argh ... and why did you go down to that 'City of God' and get yourself speared through with the Lance?!  I mean, if you didn't know you were an Angel, then you didn't know that you were going to survive!

Kii:  Well, actually, I had a hunch that things would be --

Asuka:  _Why_, baka.  _Why_.

Kii:  Because, um ... I, uh ... well, I don't think it really translates into words.

Asuka: ...?

Kii:  And if it does, I don't think I have them right now ...

Asuka: ........

Kii: (*smile*)

Asuka: ..... ooooooooookay, let's move on to the 'how'.  How'd you get there without asking Kaji-san?

Kii:  I followed my dreams. ^_^

Asuka:  Seriously, Kii-kun.

Kii:  I meant that literally.

Asuka:  Oh.  Waitaminnit ... Kaji-san! (*yanks Kaji to their table*)

Kaji:  Ow!  Hey ... Asuka, Kii-kun!  I've been meaning to talk to you guys ...

Asuka:  Same here.  How come you know where De Civitate Dei is?

Kaji:  Lived there for two years.   Say, Kii -- if you're the Angel Abel, doesn't that mean you're supposed to be dead?   Murdered by Kain/Cain [goshdarn dub spellings] and all that bidness?

Kii: (*blink blink*) You know, I never thought of that ...

Kaji:  And doesn't that make you the oldest living Angel next to Adam and Lilith?

Kii:  Never thought of that, either.

Asuka:  Kaji-sa~~n ...!  I wasn't done!

Kaji:  Oh, gomen nasai.

Asuka: Kaji-san, this isn't like you.   Are you hiding something?

Kaji:  Uh ... maybe .... hey, did you hear Rei gave birth?

Kii:  Kyousaisha's been born?   Can I go...?

Asuka: Sure thing.  Say hi to Wondergirl for me. (*waves him away, and he dashes off*)

Kaji: Err ... I'll go too ...

Asuka: Kaji-sa~~~n, you have to explain this ...

Kaji: Ack ... you are not going to like this explanation, Asuka ... that I can promise you. ^^;

(*BGM Cue: Zaar, from TLToC [heck, it fits, so I'll use it ... got that?]*)

(*The streets of the EGC.*)

(*Night.*)

(*All is dark, and I mean that neato cool sort of Noir Film sort of dark, with all the incredible camera angles and framing shadows and things that make for a great mystery and/or X-Files flick ...*)

(*... and speaking of freaks ...*)

Mayuri: ........ hn..ngh ...?

(*Okay, that was mean, but I needed a transition. >:P*)

(*Ladies, gentlemen, and others ... we now join Dr. Sencha Mayuri, infamous green-haired biotechnologist of the Academy, as she makes her way through the streets of the EGC.  She's doing relatively better now, having taken off her ubiquitous labcoat and used it as a bandage/tourquinet/blood-towel -- what a resourceful lady -- and is now far too busy concentrating on finding something to pay attention to the pain ...*)

Mayuri: ...... (*looks up*) Ah, there she is ....

(*And it seems she's found what she was looking for, 'parked' in an alleyway ...*)

Eva-00', Ayanami Rei's Eva

Mayuri: (*runs over to Eva-00'*) Naoko, it's me.  I finally got the joke ...

(*Naturally, there's no response from Eva-00'.*)

Mayuri: (*leaning against the Eva's foot, drunkenly*) Ah, but little matter of that ... I'm such a foolish woman, Naoko.  I'm sillier than you are, even.

(*No response from the Eva.*)

Mayuri: Hai, that's right, sillier than you.  Tawainai Akagi Naoko-chan. (*"slides" to the ground*) Oh, Naoko, I've done so many stupid things, it's not even funny. (*smirk*) Not even close ...

(*FLASHBACK: Gehirn HQ.  Dr. Ikari Yui, Shinji's mother, is being followed and bothered by a much younger Mayuri ...*)

Yui: No.

Mayuri: Aw ... don't tell me you can't even spare an hour out of your week?

Yui: No, Mayuri.

Mayuri: But it means so much --

Yui: NO, Mayuri.

Mayuri: You won't have to cook!  No dishes to clean!  Think of that, at least ...

Yui: Look, Mayuri-san, I'm going to say this for the last time: I am not going to the First Annual Gehirn Picnic!  It's the stupidest idea since Gehirn Coffee Mugs!

Mayuri:  I say ... I mean, what if they change the name?  Do they replace all the coffee mugs?

Yui:  I don't know.  Look, just stop bothering me.  I'm very busy.

Mayuri: (*chuckling*) Not as busy as you could be ...

Yui: Hm?

Mayuri: Ah, nothing.   Nothing at all. (*smirk*)

Yui: (*smiling*) You are a strange one, I'll grant you that ... (*walks off*)

Mayuri: (*smirk fades into a sigh*)

Naoko: (*walking up*) What was that all about?

Mayuri: Agh ... the bigwigs set me up doing intern work.  Bleh.  Say, Naoko, you interested in the Picnic?

Naoko:  Thanks, but no thanks.

Mayuri: Ack ... shot down again.  And me, Dr. Sencha Mayuri, a biotechnologist in my own right, running around like a gopher when you know as well as I do that I should be working on that Unit 01 --

Naoko:  You're relatively new, Mayuri-chan.  That, or the possibility that they're beginning to realize that your credentials are very 'out of this world'. ^.~

Mayuri:  Har har. ¬¬

Naoko:  Ah ... speaking of that ... (*reaches into labcoat pocket and withdraws a test tube vial*)

Mayuri: (*taking it from her*)  What's this?

Naoko:  Read the label. ^^

Mayuri: (*reads*) It's ... ohmigod, it's perfect!  TIAMAT will love this!

Naoko:  Well, just don't tell Seele I'm helping thwart their plans. (*snicker*)

Mayuri:  How did you get this?  It's not even your specialty ... heck, it's not even your country.

Naoko:  Ah ... little trade secret. ^.~

Mayuri:  Hehe (*pockets vial*) Arigato gozaimasu, Naoko-san.  I swah, you're the sister I never had ... if I ever have a kid, I'm definately naming her after you.

Naoko:  Thanks for the offer, Mayuri-chan ... but you, have a kid?  You're a rezu.

Mayuri:  Well, hey, I could combine the DNA no sweat ... a very test tabe baby, true, but it's either that or some strange guy from a sperm bank.  But I think I could recombine the DNA of myself and another woman without too much of a problem ... it's only a few stretches beyond cloning, ne?

Naoko:  True ... but this would have to be a woman who trusted you, ne?

Mayuri:  Hai ...

Naoko:  And one you liked, ne?

Mayuri:  Hai ...

Naoko:  And one that wasn't officially married to, oh, Ikari Gendou ....

Mayuri: (*sigh*) Yeah, okay, that too ...

Naoko:  Hey, cheer up, you still have a chance.

Mayuri:  You think she likes me?

Naoko:  (*jokingly*) No, I just want you to distract her from the affair.  Of course I think she likes you!

Mayuri:   Naoko-san, she's as straight as an arrow.

Naoko:  Rod.

Mayuri:  Arrow.

Naoko:  Rod.

Mayuri:  Lance. ^_^

Naoko: (*trying not to laugh at that, not succeeding*)

Mayuri:  Hehe ... so, you think I should try?

Naoko:  What's there to stop you? ^^

Mayuri:  Ah, Gendou-baka .... (*grimaces*) I'm sorry, but men are just so ... ick.

Naoko: (*wide-eyes*)

Mayuri:  Ah, but even if you like him, I have to say he's the King of Ick.  I mean, how could Yui even remotely like him!  They're nothing alike!  He's a complete bastard, an utter baka --

Naoko: (*making discreet "Stop talking!" motions*)

Mayuri: -- and he's so inconsiderate and cold, like a walking batch of ice and he's standing right behind my back now, isn't he? ^^;

Naoko: (*nods slowly*)

Mayuri: (*turning around*) Uh ... konnichi wa, Ikari Gendou-kun!  You interested in the First Annual Gehirn Picnic? ^^;

Gendou: (*frown*)

(*FLASHBACK: Another time, far later, at another section of Gehirn HQ.  A vat of LCL has just spilled on Sencha-san, to the apparent indifference of Ikari Yui ...*)

Mayuri: (*yelling*) You ... look what you've done!

Yui:  Calm down, rezu-san.   It's only --

(*She stops, realizing that the LCL is eating away the woman's right leg, much in the same manner as hydrochloric ...*)

Yui: (*mortified*) Oh my God ...

Mayuri: (*lets out an ear-piercing scream, completing the cliché*)

(*FLASHBACK: Mayuri-san, in a hospital bed, in a hospital, in another dimension.  Her right leg has been amputated from the mid-thigh down.*)

Mayuri:  I ... can never go back now.

Mayuri: ........

Mayuri:  I guess I'll be the mother.  Naoko, here I come.

(*FLASHBACK: The Academy.   Mayuri is seated upright with a laptop on her lap.  Murasaki Ikkyou talks on the screen.*)

Murasaki:  We have considered your application for the creation and birth of a pilot for the prototype EvaDP and we have decided it is a worthwhile investment until such time as a Water Plug Evangelion can be designed and built.  You have our blessing.  And mine too, Sencha-san.

Mayuri:  Thank you, Murasaki-san.  Thank you.

Murasaki:  You take take of yourself.  I have a feeling that this child could be our people's salvation.

Mayuri:  Only while piloting Evangelion, mind you.

Murasaki:  Oh, not necessarily.   Then again ... I have only felt this way once before, and that project was a failure.

Mayuri:  What project was that?

Murasaki: ..... never you mind.   You begin _your_ project as soon as you can, ne?

Mayuri:  Does that mean I have to backdate it? ^^

Murasaki:  Nani?  You already --

Mayuri:  Hai.

Murasaki: .............. my, my, you are an eager little mother.  Who's the father?

Mayuri: (*grinning*) Mother, Murasaki-san, who's the mother ...

(*FLASHBACK:  The Academy Biology Department.  Mayuri is reading the newspaper.  The front page headline reads "MIYU IS SAD" [yes, that's the whole headline], but she's stuck on some rather bad news on the third page or so ...*)

Mayuri: (*reading aloud in disbelief*) "TIAMAT Chairwoman Murasaki Ikkyou brutally murdered in her home ... Seele participation suspected."

(*She folds the paper up, still looking into space.*)

Mayuri:  TIAMAT's conscience is ... dead?

(*FLASHBACK:  TIAMAT Council Room.  Dr. Sencha Mayuri is screaming her head off at the council of seven before her ... and Murasaki's replacement ...*)

Mayuri:  NO!   This is my project!  I decide what genetic components go into it, not you bureaucrats!

TIAMAT:  It is not yours.

Viannei:  It is not your place to decide.

Mayuri:  But this ... this is my daughter!  I will be carrying her within my own womb!

TIAMAT:  So?

Viannei:  That makes no difference.  It will cut back on the budget.

Mayuri:  Budget?!   You're talking about turning what may be my only chance at having a child into the birth of a ... a _monster_, and your concerns are the BUDGET?!

Viannei:  Might I remind you that the TIAMAT Academy Biology labs are not for the personal use?

Mayuri:   Everybody's business is wrapped up in their personal concerns.  And I will give birth to an Eva pilot, _not_ a weapon of mass destruction.

Viannei:  You will obey the order of this council.  And if you so ignore it, we will see to it that it is aborted at whatever stage it may be.

Mayuri: .........

TIAMAT: ........

Mayuri: (*sarcastically*) Very well, _sir_.  I see there is nothing more I can do.  Proceed with the dismissal bullshit.

Viannei:  Liberum autem habemus arbitrium, quia gratia liberatum.

TIAMAT:  Dona nobis pacem.

Mayuri: (thinks:   It doesn't mean anything anymore.  In the abscence of Murasaki, they've gone from being the Seven of Mercy to the Seven of Sin ...)

(*FLASHBACK:  Very pregnant Mayuri, in the hospital, with a familiar male visitor ...*)

Mayuri:  So ... you are my replacement?

Young Kaji:  Err, hai, in the recon thing ... call me Kaji.

Mayuri:  Is that your whole name?

Young Kaji:  Well, no ... in all, it's Ayame Kaji.  But I'm changing that before I start the recon.

Mayuri:  Good idea, that.  Besides ... Ayame?  That's not a very typical name ...

Young Kaji:  Ah, well it's better with Kaji than some names ... I mean, my parents claim that if I'd been born a girl, they were going to name me "Iris". ^^;

Mayuri:  Oh ho ... Ayame Iris.  That is worse. ^_^

Young Kaji:  Ah, but it's even stranger if you pronounce it "Ailith" ... [Note:  Ailith and Iris are the spelled the same in Japanese.]

Mayuri: Hm mm ... indeed ...

(*FLASHBACK: After labor.*)

Nurse:  And the child's name?

Mayuri: .......

Nurse:  The child's name, mum.   She's a girl.

Mayuri: Sencha ....... Ailith Yui.

Nurse: Mm, that's a nice one. (*scribbles something on a form*)

Mayuri: (thinks: I'm sorry, Naoko ... but that's hardly a daughter.  It would be an insult to name that thing after you.)

(*Back to Eva-00', real time.*)

Mayuri:  And I still think that ... she is my one shame.  The one child born of _me_, yet, she only marginally classifies as flesh and blood.

Eva-00': .........

Mayuri:  Oh, you aren't going to forgive me after only half the story, are you?

Eva-00': .........

Mayuri:  Well, perhaps that's all I need. (*slumping*) I may not last to explain the rest.

Asuka:  YOU'RE A WHAT?!

Kaji:  I _told_ you that you wouldn't like it. ^^;

Ta da~~~!  End of Part One!  Time for Intermission ...