Bakahashinanakyanaoranai
( "Once a Fool, Always a Fool." )
SuperPost Version 1.0
By Arisu-chan / RL-Chatty
Dark screen
Fade to:
SCENE: The Warfront (well, the Evas warfront against the demons ...)
PAN: from Eva 00 across the line of fighting Evas ...
... to Eva A.
INTERIOR OF EVA A'S ENTRY PLUG:
Aida KENSUKE, Kirishima MANA, and CHATTY, are still where they were last post.
KENSUKE
Mana ... is it just me, or is something weird going on?
MANA
Hmm ... well, if I didn't know better, I'd think some RL was pulling a really weird gimmick to call attention to her post ...
CHATTY, meanwhile, is concentrating all he has on fighting the demons. Well, most of all he has ...
CHATTY
Look, Lyn-san ... will you please get out of my way? I don't know, but it's almost like you want to get hit by a wrong shot. Either that, or your Eva synch rate is really low --
LYN (voice)
It is NOT!! Quit being such a snot brain, you damned --
CHATTY
Oh, is that how it is, now?!
MANA
Stop it, the both of you! I mean that!
CHATTY
Mana-san, this is none of your --
EXTERIOR, THE BATTLEFIELD
Eva A slashing about with its Tristar Progressive Shuriken. It slips and accidentally slashes across one of its seven eyes.
CHATTY lets out a piercing scream. The Eva roars in unison.
INTERIOR, EVA 07'S ENTRY PLUG
AOI
Chatty! Are you alright?
CHATTY (voice)
Shimatta ... no, I'm okay, Rei-san.
AOI
Chatty ... I'm Aoi.
CHATTY (voice)
Hm?
AOI
I'm Aoi. You just called me Rei.
CHATTY (voice)
I did?
AOI
(nods) Hai.
LYN (voice)
He can't even remember your name and we're supposed to trust him in battle?
INTERIOR, EVA A'S ENTRY PLUG
CLOSE UP CHATTY
REI (voice)
Hey ... settle down, Lyn. Deal with this after we're done with the invasion.
CHATTY
(stunned) I called Aoi ... Rei? How in blazing Hell did that happen?
MANA frowns, once again assuming the role of "kind, sweet reminder" ...
MANA
You're going crazy, remember?
CHATTY
But I'm not!!
MANA
You broke out of Hell without Divine or Damned intervention. Tradition holds that you're probably going to lose it completely at some point or another ...
CHATTY
I'm not going crazy!!
MANA
Do you have a better explanation?
There is an uncomfortable pause. CHATTY hangs his head resignedly.
CHATTY
No ... I don't.
LYN (voice)
Hey -- shut up and help us fight already, chijin!
CHATTY lifts up his head, fuming, and grips the armrests of his plug chair so tightly that his knuckles turn white.
CHATTY
Chijin, eh? WELL, CHIJIN THIS!!
CLOSE UP CHATTY
CHATTY
SHIIIIIIIIIIIII-NEEEEEEE!!
[Little note: That's Japanese for "Die". Have a nice day. ^_^]
BGM: One Winged Angel (highly good fighting music ^_-)
EXTERIOR: THE BATTLEFIELD.
Eva A leaps forward, shuriken in hand. Eva 06 (Lyn's Eva), jumps back, only to discover to it's apparent chagrin that 1) it wasn't in Eva A's path after all, and 2) that "shi-ne" was aimed at the demon horde.
Now completely immersed in the swarm, Eva A starts hacking, slashing, slamming and even stomping demons at a rate of carnage nearly equalling that of Asuka in End of Evangelion.
Well, okay, not quite. But it's very furious.
EXTERIOR: A NEARBY STREET OF THE EGC.
MAYA and RITSUKO are staring up at the battle of the Evas and the Demons.
MAYA
Synchronization 125% and rising --
RITSUKO
Maya-chan, stop that.
MAYA
(sheepishly) Gomen nasai. It's a habit.
INTERIOR: EVA A'S ENTRY PLUG
Everything is thrashing about and bouncing off the walls of the plug due to an unfortunate force known as "inertia". The two exceptions to this are MANA, who's using her AT field as a sort of protective bubble, and CHATTY, who's somehow managing to stay tensely seated amidst the now whirlpoolish-LCL of the plug.
And KENSUKE is just bouncing off of everything, the poor kid, and with appropriate sound effects ...
KENSUKE
Agh (oof), Mana (oof), wouldja mind (oof) sharing that AT bubble?
MANA
No, Kensuke, I ...
KENSUKE
Oof! Ite-ee ... (rubs head)
MANA
Okay, fine! Geez ...
MANA extends her AT field bubble just enough to stop KENSUKE's constant bouncing.
MANA
That better?
KENSUKE
(still a little dizzy) Hai ... arigato, Mana-chan.
MANA
No problemo, Hippie Boy!
KENSUKE
Hey! Stop calling me that!
CHATTY, meanwhile, is off on his own.
CHATTY
(muttering) I'll show him, I'll show them, I'll show her, I'll show her, I'll show HER, I'll sh-sh ... sh...?
CLOSE UP CHATTY
CHATTY
Sh...sh... NNn ... n-no, m-must sp..sp... ack!
EXTERIOR: THE BATTLEFIELD.
Eva A stops and shudders.
INTERIOR: EVA A'S PLUG.
CHATTY shakes his head, and attempts to say something. It comes out as jumbled baby talk. Surprised, he tries again. More babytalk.
MANA
Yare! He's forgotten how to speak?
He lets out an anguished scream.
EXTERIOR: THE BATTLEFIELD.
Eva A roars, and resumes it's previous speed of hacking, slashing, slamming and stomping, but in every and all directions ...
LYN
Chatty, what the hell are you --
SFX: One big, long, dramatic slash.
BGM: Stops. Very abruptly.
CLOSE UP EVA 07
Eva 07 roars in pain and clutches its arm.
INTERIOR: EVA 07'S PLUG.
AOI
Ite-eee! Chatty, that was my Eva!
MANA (voice)
Too late, Onee-san ... he's gone.
AOI
Nani?!
INTERIOR: EVA A'S PLUG.
Inside the plug. CHATTY glares straight ahead at the other inhabitants of the plug with the expression you'd expect from a non-English speaking WWII German Soldier in the middle of Topeka, Kansas.
(If you can translate that description, good for you. If you get the ref, tally up another 15. ^_^)
MANA
He's finally forgotten ... us.
POV: CHATTY [Chatty's Point of View]
MANA continues to talk, KENSUKE inserts a comment here and there, but it all reverbs and echos into meaningless blabber, along with all other nearby sounds ...
CLOSE UP CHATTY
He shuts his eyes and shakes his head.
INTERIOR: ACADEMY BIOLOGY DEPARTMENT
A waiting room of some sort. There's a pissed-off six-year-old girl (short, wavy purple hair, green eyes, and a black-and-white uniform dress) about to unleash her full fury at a calm boy (short, flyway ash-brown hair, the indescribable eye color, light gray shirt and black pants) of around the same age.
LITTLE CHATTY
Give it back!
LITTLE KII
I can't give it back. I didn't take it from you.
LITTLE CHATTY
You did too! It's mine!
LITTLE KII
It's not yours, it's mine. My youfu gave it to me.
LITTLE CHATTY
Liar!
LITTLE KII
But it's true!
With this, the fuming Little CHATTY just blows up and jumps Little KII. You know how little kids fight, right? Kicking, screaming, hitting, hair-pulling? Well, that's how Chatty's fighting.
That's not how Kii's fighting.
I don't really know how to describe Kii's technique -- it's very defensive. A bit like a primitive version of jujitsu, or something. In any case, he manages to pin down the furious child with very little of his hair ripped out, and with no anger whatsoever. Surprise, yeah. A little pain, yeah. Rage, no.
MAYURI
Chatty-chan!
The two children glance up at the approaching biotechnologist (short green spiky hair, green eyes, white labcoat, blouse & slacks). She looks fairly annoyed.
MAYURI
What the heck is going on?!
The children scramble to their feet, and CHATTY immediately points the finger.
LITTLE CHATTY
He stole my --
MAYURI
Oh, no, he didn't, you tawainai little chijin. I have it right here.
LITTLE CHATTY
You do?
MAYURI
Hai.
MAYURI hands Little CHATTY something (we don't see what). CHATTY blinks a few times in surprise.
MAYURI
Having a tantrum over nothing, as usual.
LITTLE CHATTY
I ... anno ... I ... gomen.
CLOSE UP LITTLE KII
Little KII smiles sweetly.
LITTLE KII
I don't mind.
INTERIOR: EVA A'S PLUG.
Male Pilot CHATTY shakes his head and screams gibberish again.
INTERIOR: ACADEMY BIOLOGY DEPARTMENT, HALLWAY
MAYURI stomps along the corridor, virtually dragging Little CHATTY along by her wrist. She's still extremely pissed.
MAYURI
I don't believe you sometimes ... how am I supposed to entrust you to Eva when you can't even fight on the ground?
LITTLE CHATTY
E..Eva? Who's Eva?
MAYURI
Your sensei, one day.
INTERIOR: EVA A'S PLUG.
CLOSE UP CHATTY
CHATTY
S..sensei ...
BGM: A little girl singing "My Candles". It's a Traditional Hassidic Hanukkah song. [Yes, I know, Hanukkah's over already. Sheesh.]
INTERIOR: A TRAIN. NIGHT.
CLOSE UP CHATTY
Male Pilot CHATTY looks out a window of the train. There's not much to see, since the train is at complete standstill. The engines aren't even running.
He turns away, and jumps with surprise at the sight of the chibi little girl (white hair, red eyes, Tokyo-3 school uniform) who is singing the BGM. She looks familiar ...
CHIBI GIRL
(singing)
"In the window where you can send your glow
From my menorah on newly fallen snow,
I will set you, five little candles,
On this the fifth night of Hanukkah."CHATTY
Hanukkah's over. It ended Sunday night.
The girl shrugs.
CHIBI GIRL
The light never goes out.
(sings)
"In the window where you can send your glow
From my menorah on newly fallen snow,
I will set you, six little candles,
On this the sixth --"
The girl is interrupted by the rattle of the knob on the door to another train car. The door opens, and a familar, scruffy little eleven-year-old boy pokes his head in.
JOSEPH
Uh ... whoops. Wrong internal dialogue.
CHIBI GIRL
Ack ... what are you doing here?
JOSEPH
Um ... well, I'm completely lost. Look, um, shouldn't I be talking to an excessively wise and perceptive chibi version of myself?
CHIBI GIRL
Yeah. You're it.
JOSEPH
Oh ...
The chibi girl glares at Joseph a while. She's very miffed about the interruption.
JOSEPH (cont.)
Well, I guess I'll go then ...
CHIBI GIRL
Hai. Please. Out.
JOSEPH
Okay, fine, I'm going ...
He sticks his head back in behind the door and shuts it. The girl rolls her eyes. CHATTY blinks a few times.
CHIBI GIRL
(mutters) Geez ...
(sings)
"Of this the sixth night of Hanukk--"
Joseph pokes his head back in.
JOSEPH
Oh, and you do know that Hanukkah is over, right? It ended Sunday night.
Steam blasts out the now enraged chibi girl's ears. Joseph sweatdrops.
JOSEPH
Uh oh ...
She hefts up a large mallet (who knows where it came from) and readies that age old battlecry --
CHIBI GIRL
BA~~~~KA~~~~!!
JOSEPH
Hey! No! I'm Anne's target! Aa!
He ducks back behind the door, with the mallet-wielding chibi girl in pursuit.
CLOSE UP CHATTY
SFX: DOOR SLAM
CHATTY blinks again for a few seconds, and then turns back to face the train window.
Oddly enough, outside the window is a familiar diagram ...
POV: CHATTY
MIYU (v.o.)
Quinta Essentia ...
Latin, the Fifth Element.
The process of mankind's return to its original state is described.
What humanity was before it was human.
There is really no difference between it and your mother's "Tree of Life" ...
... but that does not concern us. Back to the process.
Preparation, Sublimation, Purification, Obliteration ...
As important as that "tree" is, this is what would make a far greater impact.
(giggle)
EXTERIOR: THE TRAIN.
CHATTY, looking out the window.
CHATTY
And that was before, even ...
INTERIOR: ACADEMY MECHANICAL REPAIR DIVISION.
Girl CHATTY, peering out of Prev-san's Safety Pod at the aftermath of ... well, Miyu's Impact. [Shot exactly like the previous shot. In fact, I think it'd be called a "mirror shot" ...]
MIYU
(singing)
"In the window where you can send your glow
From my menorah on newly fallen snow,
I will set you, eight little candles,
On this the last night of Hanukkah!"GIRL CHATTY
M-Miyu-sensei?
MIYU
Ah ... please, call me Mi-chan!
INTERIOR: EVA A'S PLUG.
LYN (voice)
GEEZ, Chatty, will you stop slashing that prog-shuriken around long enough to -- ACK! You almost got me there!
MANA
I'm sorry, but he just can't hear us! He's gone!
AOI (voice)
But Mana-imouto-chan, he can't be g -- AGH! Stop it!
MANA
His memory is completely detached from his consciousness. What's happening now is the disentegration of his reality. He doesn't know us and he doesn't see us. That's close enough, ne?
EXTERIOR: THE BATTLEFIELD.
Eva A is just attacking in all directions, which seems to mostly result in the mowing down of demons ... assuming the other Evas watch their backs ...
SHINJI (voice)
L-look, will somebody -- IPE! -- stop him already? I m-mean, this crazy pilot thing isn't working out.
ASUKA (voice)
Well, he is killing a lot of demons this way --
LYN (voice)
-- and gashing us up in the process!
TOUJI (voice)
What are we supposed to do? "Restrain" the Eva?
SHINJI (voice)
(gulp) Oh dear ...
INTERIOR: EVA A'S PLUG.
KENSUKE reaches out and yanks the "cat ear sensors" off CHATTY's head.
EXTERIOR: THE BATTLEFIELD.
Eva A stops.
INTERIOR: EVA A'S PLUG.
LYN (voice)
Huh? It stopped?
SHINJI (voice)
Hey! Good work, Kensuke-kun!
KENSUKE
No problem. Now what?
MANA
I think we should get Chatty out of here. He's in no condition to pilot Eva.
LYN (voice)
What was your first clue, the screaming gibberish or the random attacking?
AOI (voice)
LYN!!
SHINJI (voice)
Err, yeah ... but how're you going to get him out?
MANA
Oh, that's simple. I'll teleport out with him.
KENSUKE
But what about the Eva? You just can't leave it standing here. Who's going to pilot it?
MANA
You, of course!
KENSUKE
Me?
MANA
Hai, you! Do you see anybody else in this plug who can synch with Eva?
KENSUKE
Well, um ... do you count?
MANA
No, I'm teleporting Chatty out of the plug. You have to pilot!
KENSUKE
Aw ... but ... there's demonic things out there ... I don't think I could ...
Suddenly, without warning, Mana kisses him. (No open mouth, mind you, just a long peck on the lips [ala. Some Old Movie I Don't Remember].)
Weren't expecting that, were you?
MANA
Now ... you had better be a little more confident about piloting now, or else. Got that?
KENSUKE
Hai ... got it.
MANA
Good!
She secures CHATTY with her AT Field and teleports out. Matter of factly.
The moment that MANA's out of the plug, KENSUKE drops the "Wimpy Waffler Attitude", sticks the Eva Head Set Sensors on his head, and settles into the plug chair with the air of a ... a ... err ... well, an Eva Pilot Kensuke. ^^;
ASUKA (voice)
Waitaminnit ... since when have you been reluctant to pilot Eva?
KENSUKE
(smiling) Never.
ASUKA (voice)
Nani? Then what --
TOUJI (voice)
Woo-hoo! Way to go, Kensuke!
KENSUKE grins.
ASUKA (voice)
Mein Gott in Himmel -- you planned that?!
KENSUKE
Well, not quite, but --
ASUKA (voice)
Agh -- once a perv, always a perv!
KENSUKE
Hey, I'm not a perv! Besides, it's not my fault she has a thing for wimpy wafflers like Shinji ...
SHINJI (voice)
Hey! I am NOT a waffler!
REI (voice)
Oh my head ...
FADE TO BLACK
What now? Chatty's going crazy, Kensuke's piloting Eva A (assuming, that is, that he can), and this plan of Miyu's is still ... well ... err ... her plan ... well, next time -- service, service, service! ^_-