(*Okay ... uh ... to make matters short ... Chats is asleep and this is the Dream Sequence:*)
(*In a courtroom, a.l.a. Inherit the Wind or To Kill A Mockingbird. Everyone but Chatty looks exactly like the current physical body that Yuna's using. In another words, a bunch of dummy plug Rei-look-alikes which have turned chibi for no particular reason other than to make this an even more surreal situation ...*)
Judge Yuna: Hear ye, hear ye. This Moot Court is now in session.
Defense Yuna: Moot court? I thought it was a bad parody of a parody of --
Judge Yuna: Yeah, well ... deal with it. Uh, do we have a prosecutor here?
Prosecutor Yuna: Would it be a Moot Court without it? And would I ever pass up the opportunity anyway?
Defense Yuna: And did that sentence make any sense?
Judge Yuna: (*whacks her with the gavel*) Shaddup.
Chatty: Waitaminnit ... I'm supposed to do that, aren't I?
Defense Yuna: Not here.
Chatty: But that's a mallet ...
Defense Yuna: No, it's a gavel.
Chatty: What's the difference?
Defense Yuna: One's smaller.
(*Bailiff Yuna enters.*)
Bailiff Yuna: All rise.
(*Everyone stands.*)
Bailiff Yuna: Now siddown and shaddup.
(*They all sit down, grumbling.*)
Bailiff Yuna: Good. Now I'm going to get a cup of coffee ...
Chatty: But Yuna doesn't have ... oh, wait, that's right. Yuna's using a dummy plug Rei now. (*piku*) Oh, so that's why this looks so much like Evanjellydonut!
Defense Yuna: See? I was right!!
Bailiff Yuna: (*rolls eyes*) Whatever. (*leaves to get the cup of coffee*)
Judge Yuna: Err ...
Prosecutor Yuna: (*cough cough hack hack*)
Judge Yuna: I'll just bet there was some sarcastic comment hidden in there.
Prosecutor Yuna: (*big innocent puppy eyes*) Why would you think that, Your Honor?
Judge Yuna: Trust me, I know myself. (*pauses*) Right. Um ... does the prosecution have any witnesses?
Prosecutor Yuna: (*hillbilly accent*) Yep. (*sniffs and snaps suspenders smugly*)
Defense Yuna: (*aside*) What's with the alliteration, anyway?
(*Long pause*)
Judge Yuna: WELL?
Prosecutor Yuna: Oh, you want me to say who?
Judge Yuna: (*hillbilly accent*) I reckon so.
Defense Yuna: (*aside*) Dang ... can't remember what that's a reference to ...
Prosecutor Yuna: Five 'rims you can't guess who it is.
Judge Yuna: I'm not guessing.
Prosecutor Yuna: (*pouts*) Alright, be that way. (*dramatically*) I call to the stand ... the defendant!!
Defense Yuna: Oh joy.
Chatty: Nani? Don't I have the right to silence? ^^;;
Defense Yuna: Well, not really. This is an Enlightening Dream Sequence Moot Court. You've got the right to say "no comment" while you're up there.
Chatty: Some right. >.<
Prosecutor Yuna: And some wrong, too, I'll bet. Now haul your butt up there to the stand or I'll have the bailiff do it for you ...
Bailiff Yuna: (*from outside the courtroom*) Not now!! I'm on coffee break!
Prosecutor Yuna: Then who's going to swear him in?
Judge Yuna: We'll skip the oath. After all, if he tells a lie, we'll see right through 'im, ne? ^_~
Chatty: Uh ... ^^;
Prosecutor Yuna: Oh, but oaths are so much fun!!
Judge Yuna: (*rolls eyes*) Fine then. You can do it.
Prosecutor Yuna: WAI!
(*Prosecutor Yuna pulls Chatty up from his seat, hurls him behind the stand, and slaps his hand down on a nice new copy of Webster's New World Dictionary of the American Language, Second College Edition.*)
Prosecutor Yuna: Repeat after me: "Before they send us ..."
Chatty: "Before they send us ..."
Prosecutor Yuna: "... to a grave ..."
Chatty: "... to a grave ..."
Prosecutor Yuna: "... Alien Beasts use ..."
Chatty: "... Alien Beasts use ..."
Prosecutor Yuna: "... Burma Shave."
Chatty: "... Burma Shave." Hey, what kind of oath is that? ¬¬
Prosecutor Yuna: Ah, so sue us ... it's a Moot Court, not a television interview. Sit down.
(*Chatty sits, squirming a little.*)
Prosecutor Yuna: So ... what's your name, Chatty?
Chatty: Uh ... Chatty. (thinks: I can't believe I'm introducing myself to a room full of Yunas. Talk about a paradox! ¬.¬)
Prosecutor Yuna: Okay Mr. Chatty ... what do you do for a living?
Chatty: Hm?
Prosecutor Yuna: I mean, what is your occupation?
Chatty: Oh, I'm a self-insert. ^^
Prosecutor Yuna: Uh huh. (*pacing in front of the stand*) What does a self-insert do, Mr. Chatty?
Chatty: Well, a self-insert represents the author of a fanfic or an RL person in special circumstances.
Prosecutor Yuna: Really. (*pacing*) Who do you represent, Mr. Chatty?
Chatty: RL-Chatty, of course.
Prosecutor Yuna: Oh, a self-insert named after his creator, eh? (*editorial hand gesture*) How similar are you to RL-Chatty?
Chatty: Pretty similar, I guess.
Prosecutor Yuna: Really? Last I checked, she was a 15-year-old female about 5 feet tall.
Chatty: (*squirms*) Well, I am 15 ...
Prosecutor Yuna: Actually, according to the fanfic storyline, everything right now is taking place 6 years after you built the first version of Yuna. Assuming that you built Yuna v1.0 immediately after the destruction of your planet by Miyu, that would make you at least 21, ne?
Chatty: Uh ... plot discontinuity. RL-Chatty's fault, not mine. ^^;;
Prosecutor Yuna: Really.
Chatty: Err ... yeah ... happens all the time. RLs forget details when they write. That's how Vincent can spend a quarter of a century in a coffin and still count as being 29 when Cloud wakes him up.
Prosecutor Yuna: Hai, but he's a vampire.
Chatty: Um ... yeah? So?
Prosecutor Yuna: (*sigh*) Whatever. (*pacing*) Mr. Chatty, what sex are you?
Chatty: Currently male. ^^;;
Prosecutor Yuna: Hm. And what gender are you?
Chatty: Wha?
Prosecutor Yuna: I mean, physically you are a male. Mentally, you are a ... ?
Chatty: I ... don't really know. - -;;
Prosecutor Yuna: (*smug*) You don't know?
Chatty: (*wringing labcoat*) Well ... I started off female, and I thought like a female ... and then I got ... err ... accidentally switched and ... um ... I mean, I still think like a female in some aspects, but ... ah ...
Prosecutor Yuna: (*nods*) You have a crush on a certain female cameo, ne?
Chatty: (*to the Judge*) Your Honor, can I borrow the gavel? Please?
Judge Yuna: NO. Now answer the questions. (*trademark Yuna grin*)
Chatty: Oh damn ... - -;
Prosecutor Yuna: Yes or no, Mr. Chatty. You don't have to say who it is. ^.~
Chatty: (*resignedly*) Hai. Hai, I do.
Prosecutor Yuna: Now ... would RL-Chatty ever get a crush on a girl?
Chatty: Err ... no, she's very very straight and she isn't a guy.
Prosecutor Yuna: Is she anywhere near as fond of this certain female cameo as you are?
Chatty: Well, outside of thinking that she's very cool ... no.
Prosecutor Yuna: Huh. What exactly do you have in common with RL-Chatty?
Chatty: Um ... about half of her basic underlying personality.
Prosecutor Yuna: Only half?
Chatty: (*annoyed*) Well, Yuna has the other half. The mischievous, annoying, hentai side. With the hentai exaggerated for parody and toned down since you got more realistic in form.
Prosecutor Yuna: (*nods*) That's a shame, ain't it? ^.~
Chatty: No comment. Can I have the gavel now?
Judge Yuna: No. Prosecutor Yuna, are you finished with the witness?
Prosecutor Yuna: (*hillbilly accent*) Yep ... all done, Yer Honor. (*snaps suspenders*)
Judge Yuna: You may step down, Mr. Chatty.
(*Chatty leaves the stand and takes his seat by Defense Yuna.*)
Defense Yuna: See? She didn't slaughter you that badly.
Chatty: Arigato, Yuna-chan ... >_<
Judge Yuna: Any other witnesses, Prosecutor Yuna?
Prosecutor Yuna: Don't think I need any, Your Honor. ^_~
Judge Yuna: Well then ... what's your closing argument?
Defense Yuna: Wait!! What about the Defense?
Judge Yuna: Do you have a defense?
Defense Yuna: Uh ... no. Hehehe. (*grin*)
Chatty: (thinks: She did that on purpose, I'll bet. ^^;)
Judge Yuna: Well, then ... the Prosecution's closing argument comes next, ne?
Prosecutor Yuna: (*shrugs*) 'Spose so. Anyway, it's short. I say that this self-insert is far too disimilar from his RL to represent her in a legally defendable way.
I digress.
(*Whispers rise up for a little bit, and then the courtroom falls to a hush as RL-Chatty strolls down the aisle.*)
Chatty: (*aside*) That would explain why I've been talking in script all this time.
Judge Yuna: Err ... konnichi wa, Your Ever Powerful and Wonderful Greatness ... ^^;;
'Ello Yuna. And Yuna. And Yuna. And all you other Yunas ... golly, this Dream Sequence idea got bigger than I thought. I'm not going to be able to post this ...
Chatty: YAY!!
Well, I do go on, somehow. 'Sides, I can always find a way around this. ^_~
Chatty: Damn.
Anyway, you don't have a verdict yet, do you?
Judge Yuna: No ma'am. We don't even have a jury.
Oopsy. Well, I guess that's not so bad, since I'm going to say he's innocent anyway.
Prosecutor Yuna: Nani? But I just proved him guilty!
Of what?
Prosecutor Yuna: Of being an inadequate self-insert!
Well, tough noogies. Chatty stays.
Prosecutor Yuna: Isn't he going to get some sort of punishment?
For being innocent?
Prosecutor Yuna: Hai. (*pouts cutely*)
Oh, for Pod's sake, that's not going to work on me. But if you insist ... how about if I declare him to be a temporary cameo on every Thursday?
Chatty: NANI?!
Prosecutor Yuna: Okay, that'll work. Hehehe. (*grins*)
Good. 'Cause I was planning to do that anyway.
Chatty: I'm going to be a cameo on Thursdays?
(*nods*) Yup. Between schoolwork and voice lessons and CDYC, I haven't the time to post in the EGC on Thursdays. But I don't want Chatty to just disappear or lie idle, so on Thursdays he'll be a temporary cameo. Anybody can do whatever the heck they like with him, so long as it's on Thursdays and they don't make him out to be something he's not, like a hentai.
Defense Yuna: Yeah, that'd be like waking up from a bad hangover. ^o^
Chatty: Worse for me ... ^^;;
Okay then. Now I'll have to scare you awake somehow.
Prosecutor Yuna: Hey, how about this crush of his? Who's it on?
Oh, that's easy. He likes --
(*Chatty wakes up with a start in front of DCD HQ*)
Chatty: (*sigh*) I've got to stop listening to you, Yuna ...
Good Yuna: Oh, you're not getting fussy now, are you?
Chatty: Whatever.
Yep, yep, yep, it's all true. Sorry if it's a bit long, but I had fun writing it. And all that stuff about RL-Chatty is very very true. Don't forget that. =P