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Went out of town for the long weekend...and promply got all ideas blasted out of my mind.  This means that everything will be done in Super Triple Quick Time! XD

CHARGE!

An amorphous somewhere.  Velvet wakes up with a headache strong enough to last three lifetimes.

Velvet (groans): Somebody give me the number of that truck...

*sarcastically* You got smacked by the big one, all right, the one they call D-0-T W-4-R-N-3-R

Startled, Velvet tries to jump to his feet, but that's when he discovers that he's chained to an immense book thick enough to put the entire _Encyclopedia Britannica_ to shame.

Velvet (incredulous): What the &%$#?

It's the _Idiot's Guide to RLs_.  I think it's Miss Warner's idea of what an ironic punishment should be.

Velvet blasts the chain with a sizable ball of energy, but there isn't so much as a scratch.

*holds up a chained wrist* Forget it, I've already tried.

Velvet (really pissed off now): When I get my hands on that cheating bitch, I'll--

If you're going to stew in hatred, please do it quietly.  I'm not in the least bit interested in what grudge you have against those megalomaniacs.

Velvet: WHAT?!?

*opens the book* "Chapter One: Why we get to do what we want and you don't" *aside, dryly* Well, at least the RLs don't have any self esteem issues...
(Concept Space, interior.  The Authoress is humming to herself happily as she turns a giant spit.  Tied very securily on the spit, roasting over a blazing flame, is Ascot, who can't seem to decide whether to feel estatic or terrified.)

Ascot: Uh...this is just one of your little traumatizing jokes, right? You're not really going to eat me, right? ^_^;;;;;

o/ What, and miss an opportunity to munch on such a delicious Mazoku? o/

Ascot: You don't want to eat me! I'll give you indigestion! ^_^;;;;;

o/ That's what the Maalox is for, my delectable morsel. o/

O.S. voice: I hate to ruin your fun, Authoress, but don't you have to be somewhere right now?

(The Authoress looks up, unbelieving at first, and then her shock turns into sheer joy.)

ADAM! ^______________________________^

(Insert one flying glomp here.)

Adam (longsuffering sigh): Yeah, yeah, glad to see you too, but you're about to be late for your own appointment.

*blinks* I am? *lightbulb* Oh, right, the [Ultimate Battle]! *looks at her watch* Oh, man, they're gonna KILL me!

Adam (patronizingly): Well, then, you'd better get moving, shouldn't you?

*whining* But what about my barbecue?

Adam (as above): I'll take care of that.

*beams* Thanks, Adam! You're the best! *huggles*

Adam (starting to get annoyed): Hurry up already.

*pouts* Okay, okay, I'm going already. *pecks Adam on the cheek* Be seeing you in an hour or so!

(The Authoress zooms off, leaving a long flame trail in her wake.)

Ascot: Uh...does this mean I get to go free? ^_^;

Adam (cracking his knuckles): Are you kidding? Between the two of us, the Authoress is the nice one.

Ascot: I'm screwed, aren't I? ^_^;

Adam (smirking): In more ways than you'll ever know.

(Elsewhere, the RLs are gathered together and waiting.)

Chatty (pacing): She's late! _Really_ late!

Dare (pacing even faster): She promised us! If this is another one of her tricks, I...I...I don't know what to do!

Voidstar (looking at his watch): Well, Ijishi time is still on the [Final Hour], so let's give her the benefit of the doubt.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I'm late I'm late ImlateImlateImLAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!

(The Authoress knocks a sizable hole in the Fourth Wall as she crashes into it, sending dust flying everywhere.)

Voidstar (wheezing): Okay, maybe I shouldn't have said that.

*bows repeatedly* I'm so sorry! I've been really busy and things just kept popping up and--

Chatty (holds up her hands): Don't worry about it.  You're here, aren't you?

Dare (relieved): Yeah, so let's get this over with.

*hopefully* You mean you're not mad at me? No hard feelings?

Dare (smiles): What are friends for, Dot?

Chatty (grins): Yeah, all in good fun, ne?

Voidstar (nonchalant): I've met plenty of people more evil than you. (beat, smirks) Me, for example.

Yaay! I'm so happy! ^___________^

(Everyone cringes as the Authoress gives them a smile sugary enough to induce diabetic shock.)

Chatty (clears her throat): Well, now that everyone's here...

*poses dramatically* It's time to D-D-D-D-DUEL!

(Yes, you may groan. :)

Just another obligatory scene of Ijishi proper.  The [Snow] has completely melted now, the sun is coming up, and the Roaches and Demons have moved on to a new song...

o/ I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay! I sleep all night and I work all day!
(Oh, he's a lumberjack and he's okay! He sleeps all night and he works all day!) o/

Um, right.  Back to the cataclysmic [RL Showdown.]

(Wherever the RLs happen to be.  Feathers and bits of cotton are flying everywhere as they engage in a fierce pillow fight.  Even without their narrative powers to give them near omnipotent abilities, the battle is chaotic and would have resulted in tremendous collateral damage if it weren't for the fluffy nature of the projectiles.)

*smashing repeatedly* Take THAT! And THAT! And that and that and THAT! XD

Chatty: I am Woman, watch me SMITE! XD

Dare: *laughing too hard to say anything*

Voidstar: You SUCK! Watch me take you down with my superior SKILLETS! XD

(And on and on this goes, until everybody collapses in an exhausted heap.)

Dare (finally catching his breath): Man, that was GREAT!

*throwing her pillow in the air* WOO! I feel MUCH better now!

Chatty (batting away a handful of feathers): We should do this more often!

Voidstar: Yeah, really.  Who cares about Angst and Melodrama when we can have Pillow Fights? XD

*sighs* I'm sorry, that was my fault.  I shouldn't have used Ijishi as the guinea pig for my Author Magic Abuse sessions.

Chatty (smiles): And how many of us haven't abused our RL status, hm?

Dare: Let's just fix this mess and get out of here.

Voidstar: It's more fun working in the background anyway.

*looks at her watch* Yeah, it's time to put this show on the road. *nods at Chatty* Arisu-chan, would you please do the honors?

Chatty: Sure!

(Getting to her feet, Chatty chants a wordless incantation, and an immense golden key marked "Ijishi" appears in her hands.)

Chatty: By the powers vested in me as an RL and former Demiurge...

*putting a hand on the key* By the powers vested in me as an RL... *makes a face at Chatty* and Wannabe Demiurge

Dare (following suit): Um...do I have a title? Oh, never mind...

Voidstar (same): Yada yada yaa, and so on and so forth...

We hereby renounce our presence in Ijishi, and pledge to remain outside of the Fourth Wall.

*aside* Until we change our minds, anyway...

(And the pillow fight continues...)

And there we have it! I've had enough of grand plots, RL meddlement, and melodramatic angst for the time being.  The next post will be nothing but PURE, OLD-SCHOOL SILLINESS! XD